The New IC and 12% Queer
OK, the new IC is up. Check it out...
"You and your fellow castaways find yourselves smack dab in the middle of a Harlequin romance. Write part of the story (or a short chapter)."
They want me to write a Harlequin romance. That's wonderful. Hey, why not just ask me to write how to insert a tampon? What the fuck is a Harlequin romance? At first read I thought they said Harlem romance, which would of been easy. I was halfway through a draft involving members of the Harlem Globetrotters and the forbidden romances they share while traveling the world.
It was to be titled "BALLS....A Harlem (Globetrotter) Romance Ya'll"
But then I read that it's actually a Harlequin romance and had to abandon the whole fucking thing.
My good friend Bill has paid a wonderful compliment to yours truly in his latest entry
Check this out...
"how in the bloody hell did Genghis get passed over for Beermate again? Joeyboy, you could have added four new Beermates and they wouldnít have equaled the funny in one GJ. In my opinion, Jon has more laugh out loud funny in one stupid throwaway entry than half the people in 12% that try. Donít sweat it, GJ. Youíre too good, and people just donít know what to do with you."
Really people, I don't have the kind of bread to make people write that kind of stuff about me.
Let me clue you into what the hell he's talking about for those that don't know.
12% Beer is a members only club on diaryland where diarists get invited, and they sit around and eat cheese and stuff. Despite many of my closest friends on Diaryland being members who I share very simular writing styles with, Joe, the guy behind the curtain has passed me up numerous times to join the gang.
Folks have gone to bat for me before, asking him "Hey, why not let Genghis in" to which he replies in his nicey nice way (he's Canadian) "Hey, I love Jon, it's just I don't htink he fits in as a Beermate. Maybe someday, not right now."
What Joe fails to understand is that I am so fucking Beermate material it's completely retarded. And it's he who is not Beermate material. HE. NOT ME, BUT HE. CRAPPAJOE.
I was hoping the guy would come to his senses and allow me in as a Queer...oops, I mean Beermate. But since that hasn't happended I'm afraid I got some bad news for Joe.
Starting tomorrow I'm gonna start a new members only club called 13% Beer. Then I'm gonna go to each and every member of 12% Beer and ask htem "Hey. What would you rather be in? 12% Beer, or 13%? You make the call man...."
And then as Joe's walking in I'm gonna say "Hey! Who invited you?" And he's gonna reply "I'm with them! They're all my friends!" And I'm gonna say "Joe, I really don't think you're 13% Beer material. Try us again next year you condo buying fuck!" And then I'm gonna call him back as he's walking away and say "Joe....come back, I got some good news." As he turns around with hope in his eyes I'm gonna say "I just saved a bunch of money by switching car insurance to Geico. Now get off my lawn before I call the mounties, sucka'!"
After that I'm gonna eat cheese with all my new friends and, and......aw, it's 2:54 in the morning. I really gotta go to bed. I'm fucking losing it. Apologies to everybody.