Uncle Sam is HOT!
What the hell ever happened to spring?
Last week the average high was 40.
This week it's 90.
Gee-zus.
Speaking of weirdness....
Monday night my friend called me and asked if I wanted to take a ride into Hartford. You see, the post office was open until midnight due to the fact that was the last day you were allowed to mail out your taxes.
So I said "sure" and accompanied the 'wait-til-the-last-minute' sonofabitch to the joint.
As we got closer, we witnessed utter pandemonium.
It looked like a rock concert, except instead of long-haired metal heads, there were professional looking types carring folders!
Instead of holding beer, they were holding cell phones, and sleeping children!
THAT, my good friend, is rock n' roll 2K!!!!
If Bill Gates and Steve Forbes started a band, I could imagine this is what the audience might look like.
So as we're getting closer, my pal (you might remember him from the notorious steak incident.) Sean decides that he has had enough of sitting in traffic, and jumps out.
Mind you, he jumps out before...No, wait! He opens the car door, get's out of the car, and starts walking away while yelling back instructions on how he wants me to drive, and meet him at such-n-such....
As he was doing this, I was just sitting there, trying to think of the nearest lake I could park his car in.
Anyways, I climb into the driver's seat and observe all the major league procrastinators.
As my eyes were fixated on one lady who looks like she was about to cry, I hear a womans voice ask "Want some pie?"
I look over to my left and see a chick dressed up as Uncle Sam standing on the curb, looking my way.
"What?" I say to Aunt Sam, or whatever she was suppose to be.
"I know YOU'D like some pie."
More than you know, lady.
Anyways, it appeared that a bunch of post office employees were walking around, sporting Uncle Sam garb, handing out pie and coffee to these 'Johnny-come-lately' folks, who are probably the most undeserving of pie and coffee on the planet!
This Uncle Sam just so happened to be HOT!
And offering me "pie."
And smiling.
Now, where I grew up, if a hot momma' asks you if you'd like some pie! You don't ask anything stupid like "what kind do you have?"
So I ask her "what kind do you have?"
She goes over to inspect her pie supply, and while she does, Satan moves traffic along forcing me to drive away.
No pie for Jon.
No "pie" either.
Nothing.
And now everytime I see Uncle Sam, I get a boner.
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