It's ALLLLLL Over
Well, it looks like George Bush won't be getting re-elected after all.
I know it doesn't look good for our boy Kerry with him leading by a single point in the polls before the Republicans even had their convention, but the conservatives worst nightmare has come true to all but assure a Bush defete in November.
That's right motherfuckers, Death Cab for Cutie has added their name to Bruce Springsteen's "Drug Addicts Against Bush" tour, all but assuring an early night for the president.
Sure, it was pretty funny when this tour was announced. Like REM, and Jackson Brown playing a few shows is gonna make the difference in the outcome of the presidential election.
But the whole game has been changed now that Death Cab for Cutie has thrown their hat into the ring. It's a whole new ballgame.
Not only is Death Cab for Cutie the most popular band in the universe. Not only have they sold more albums then the Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and Britney Spears combined. But ever since Death Cab for Cutie started playing together 43 years ago they were the only musical act that people really turn to decide for them who to vote for.
I cannot tell you how many times I asked somebody who they were voting for only to get the response "I dunno', I'm gonna see who Death Cab for Cutie is going with."
And if that weren't enough, look who else is on board...
AAAAWWWWWW yeah playa' the donkey just dropped the Sheryl Crow bomb on yo' azzz!!!!
Just look at her. Seriously, stop what you're fucking doing right now and take a good long look at Sheryl Crow. How much fabulous can you fit in one human being? It defies the laws of physics. There's no room for that much fabulousness to fit into one person, it doesn't make any sense!!! Sheryl Crow is too fabulous to make any sense, I'm sorry.
The truth is that the people will kneel to her will. War is not the answer. Sheryl Crow is.
And the last three nails in George Bush's coffin comes in the form of..
Crosby, Stills, and Nash. The Three Amigos.
One time I was watching a documentary on David Crosby. It went into great detail about all the cocaine, and heroin use to do. For me it was the part where they were talking about the time he sold his mother's car for drugs when I said "Man, I wonder who he's voting for."
There you have it folks, I know I was pessamistic before about Kerry's chances, but we needn't fret anymore. It's in the bag, baby!
Unless that small chance that nobody gives a fuck what these hippies think, but what are the chances of that? I smell a democrat in the whitehouse, and it ain't the cleaning lady.