Hello? Is It Me You're Looking For?
First thing I want to announce is that come hell or high water, the first installment of Genghis Jon's Great Big Political Debate Extraordinaire will debut this Friday.
Tell your friends!
Now, it's not gonna' be perfect. I wanted to have the thing finished before I started posting them.
However, that's seems unlikely as to happen anytime soon, and you all have been waiting long enough as it is.
Tune in for that. Because as flawed as the managment of it is, it's still gonna' kick ass.
Because my roommate took it upon himself to order digital cable TV. (I ordered internet cable and left him home alone with the cable guy when he was installing it. Next thing I know we have 6,000 channels and are billed accordingly.) I have discovered a channel that plays pretty much nothing other than 80's video.
I use to think I was a weird kid. I now know it wasn't me. It was these fucking strange MTV videos I use to watch.
Anybody that ever made a post modern video back then should be rounded up and sold as slaves.
Just so you heard me right, let me reiterate.
I want Gary Numan to clean your toilet against his will.
There is no call for caking your face with white makeup, dancing around like a homosexual robot to some $50 Casio keyboard you don't even know how to play.
Seriously. If I wanted to be sold into slavery, but didn't want to come out and ask. That's exactly how I'd go about doing it.
But with all that New Wave weirdness going about, the fucking most bizarre video I have ever seen in my life belongs to R&B legand, Lionel Richie.
And the video in question, is "Hello."
Watching this video, I couldn't help but blurting out "What THE FUCK are you doing?" over and over again.
The premise of the story is that Lionel Ritchie is a teacher at school for faggy looking 80's kids.
He starts to have a mad crush on this one girl who we're led to believe is blind.
So Lionel Ritchie, the most sensative creature ever to have a penis starts following her in the halls singing...
"Hello. Is it me you're looking for?"
I thought of a hundred ways this video could have been better.
For instance, she could have a walking dog that pissed on Lionel's leg right when he sang "I love, you....."
Or Lionel could have gotten really inappropriate and followed her into the bathroom to sing to her as she was pooping.
Alright, I don't need to make this video any stranger than it already is. Basically Lionel is stalking the poor blind girl, while the viewer can't help but feel extremely sorry for her. It's almost like watching a Friday The 13th movie when you know the hapless victim is just about to get hacked to death.
Lionel's machete however.........is love.
He's calling her and then hanging up the phone. Straight up stalking. Then he's doing shit like gazing upon her while hiding in bushes so THE BLIND GIRL WON'T SEE HIM!
Maybe Lionel wasn't a teacher after all. Maybe it was a special school, and he was there because he was retarded. I fail to see another explaination as to why someone would hide in the bushes so a blind girl wouldn't see him.
So just at the point when you've had enough of Lionel inquiring of a blind girl what she's looking for, in comes some dude with Jheri curls exclaiming "Hey! You better come see this."
He goes racing into the other room where all his questions as to if his affection is returned became affirmed when he sees her doing a sculpture of his big, fat head.
God knows what happened after that. The video ended, and I'm left assuming they took each other on the floor, giving golden showers, and showing sculpture's clay up each other's asses.
Lionel Ritchie is a sick fuck.
But I'll tell you one thing. If that sculpture of his head ever pops up on eBay, I'm sell my car if I have to. I want that thing sitting on my coffee table in a bad way.