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Declaring Jihad against Spam.

I hate spam more than anything.

People seem to think my email address is for any old crap.

I mean, when you're as gifted and talented as I am, you've got little time to read bullshit, made-up stories that end with a demand that you need to send it to your friends in order to avoid bad luck.

Please understand people, I have a world to straighten out here!

It is a crime to distract me from what I was put on this Earth to do.

Fucking "warm your heart" stories about some kid born with 12 nuts, who overcame adversary, blah, blah...

As punishment, I am subjecting you all to read this shit. If you are at work, I would suggest taht you wait until you get home to read this, as it's very possible you might vomit on someone important at work after reading this drivel.

Be sure to send it to everyone on your address list. If you don't.....your mother will turn into a 50 foot high dung beetle and rape you.


By "Some idiot that has too much time on their hands, and thinks Martha Stewart has a warm, gentle heart..."

***One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw

a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my

friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the

huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said,

"Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best

friends. When we were seniors, we began to think

about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I

was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be

friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse.

God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.

Look for God in others.

You now have two choices, you can:

1) Pass this on to your friends or

2) Delete it and act like it didn't touch your heart.

As you can see, I took choice number 1. "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

There is no beginning or end..Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow is mystery.

Today is a gift.

It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends.


Getting kinda' desperate towards the end there, huh?

Well, I'll have you know it is NOT "National Fucking Friendship Week" and if it was, I'll be a true friend and point out that this was made by some dickwad that gets his nuts off by making up bullshit stories and tries to get it to circulate the internet as much as possible.

"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

Shut the fuck up, you fucking ass of a human, you!

Fucking new age shit is turning people soft. I believe in God, and spirituality to an extent. But can't I do that without joining Oprah's Angel Network?

Sorry, bad mood today....


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