Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

On the McGriddle

It has come to my attention that McDonald's is trying to kill it's customers.

Evidence to this claim has been brought to my attention with their introduction of their newest breakfast sandwich added to their menu, called the McGriddle.

The contents of the McGriddle are the usual suspects of what you might find in an AM meal cooked up by Ronnie the Clown. You got your eggs, cheese, bacon, sausage, all the stuff that makes your heart cry uncle.

But here's what separates the men from the boys in regards to breakfast sandwiches.

See, after they add all the cheese and egg and bacon, it's usually time to add somesort of bread to hold it all together.

You might be familiar with the classics like the English Muffin, or the Bagel. If you're a Burger King connoisseur chances are you've dabbled with the all mighty Croissan'wich, or perhaps maybe experimented with their Sourdough Breakfast Sandwich.

All in all, it's been sometime since a fast food place came and just rocked the shit out of the breakfast sandwich world.

That is, until now.

McDonald's has established themselves as visionaries in the artery clogging community many moons ago. But their passion, their insatiable hunger to become the #1 place on the planet to make your heart go boom has given birth to the idea of not settling for a bagel, or a croissant, sourdough bread, or even a muffin from England. They found within themselves the courage to truly reach for the stars and think outside the breadbox.

When it came to constructing what they would hope to be the most vile piece of crap one would put in their mouth, they wouldn't settle for anything less then surrounding said, cheese, egg, and meat of your choice with PANCAKE!

But what about the syrup you might ask? Does this look like a guy that would forget the syrup?

Bite your tounge for even suggesting such! It is my honor to inform you that the maple syrup is baked RIGHT IN!!!!!

So let's recap here.

We got the egg, we got the cheese, we got your choice of sausage or bacon, and we got the pancakes with the syrup baked right in holding it all together.

We also got the cholestrol in the quadruple digits, but that's another story.

You're probably wondering about the McDonald's logo cooked on the top of the sandwich. Don't try to deny it, I saw you looking at it.....DUDE, why are you trying to lie to me, I SAW you looking at it!!!

Anyways, to explain the purpose of the logo on the sandwich, I'm going to have to refer to the hit movie, Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom.

In the film, you might recall Indy's nemesis Mola Ram.

Mola had this kooky thing he invented where he'd rip people's heart right out of their chest cavities.

So the last thing one of his hapless victims would see is the evil Mola Ram laughing as he held their still beating heart as they slowly passed off.

Same premise here. As you're on the floor dying of a heart attack, the last thing you'll ever see in this life is that cursed McDonald's logo laughing at you as you slowly drift off to that big drive thru in the sky.

Who says giant corporations have no sense of humor?

Anyways, from what I hear the McGriddle is nothing compared to what "The Clown" has cooking up for the future.

Rumor has it that soon McDonald's will be introducing the "McCyanide."

Which is, as it's name suggests, just a cup of cyanide.

A spokeman for the company commented "We wanted to offer a product that appeals to our customers who are concerned about eating too much fat and cholesterol, but still want that same element of life threatening ingredients they've come to expect from McDonald's cuisine."

The McCyanide is expected to be introduced around the same time as the McRazor Blade, and the McRevolver.


previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!