Take this job and shove it!
Like most people my age or younger I grew up taking all sorts of psychiatric meds.
I started at around 14 and continued until about a year ago when I felt I had enough and took myself off. I wanted to see if I really needed Paxil like everyone was telling me.
Today I'm happy to report I do not. But, quite honestly I'm thinking about going back.
Why? Well, this might come as a shock to you all so buckle up. It seems I'm sort of a miserable fuck.
Yeah, I know that's kinda' surprising so I encourage you all to take a moment to gather yourselves, and let that sink in before you continue.
Yes, so it's true. I'm a miserable fuck, and should at the very least be on some sort of mood-altering drug if given the privileges to walk amongst the rest of you.
I was reminded of what a downer I am when I stopped for coffee at my local Dunkin Donuts this morning.
I really didn't want to go to work today. Today I hated having a job where I have real responsibilities. I wanted to work behind the counter with these guys.
I mean sure, they only make $1.23 an hour. So what? They get to show up hungover, wear clothes they slept in, take 472 smoke breaks a day, and have zero pressure.
What's their biggest problem at work? That there are a lot of customers waiting in line? So fucking what? The trump card you have when you're only making $1.23 an hour is that their aren't a million people in line waiting to take your position. I'm not saying you aren't irresplacable, but if you have an IQ above that of a piece of toast you are in very high demand and appreciated.
Anyways, I wanted to quit my job and join the ranks of these dudes selling coffee.
And why do I want to do that? Because I'm so depressed I want a job where nobody's counting on me for anything.
I've been like this for awhile and it's high time I did something. Whether it's get back on the meds, or fill out that application to wear the brownish-red apron, something's gotta change in my life.
Being on the meds is no picnic either. First, I'll have you know that I lost a whopping 25lbs when I took myself off Paxil. Something I'm not looking forward to revisiting.
Another issue that I must consider is that even though my depression gets alieviated, I become very agitated, and a major prick.
I know what you're thinking. Me? It's true.
I remember chewing people out for no other reason than the fact that I was so irritable, and they weren't.
I recall one time trying to stop myself. I was seeing this girl and we were sitting in a room together. She was eating an apple and it was driving me crazy. I decided to hold back my outburst and try to be logical. I knew her eating an apple wasn't her fault, and didn't merrit a verbal assault by me. I tried my damndest to hold myself back, but I couldn't.
I dug into her for eating a fucking apple of all things! How proud I my mom must be...
To Paxil's credit, I'm a lot more quick to apologize. Which is something that I tend to do a lot of. But that point is moot because I don't need to apologize as much when I'm off it.
I'm getting off the subject. (I also have trouble focusing when I'm not on Paxil.)What this is really about is that I hate my life. I hate what I'm doing, and I have little motivation.
I ought to be doing something creative. I want to be a writer or something but that doesn't seem possible.
See how negative I am? Fuck. At least if I get on the pills I'll know I won't be a writer, but will be happy nonetheless.
Sounds good to me.