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I'd like to thank everyone for giving suggestions as to what I should use as my son's middle name.

After considering each very closly, I've decided you're all crazy.

After reading your considerations I couldn't help but fall in love with the name Mason. Thank you for showing me what terrible names are out there.

I mean seriously. Like anyone would go with "Malcolm". In the immortal words of Ali G "You'd av' to be absolutely mental."


Imagine if you will you're a little boy growing up in Africa.

You're world is engulfed in poverty and dispair. Everything is all dirty and stuff and the wild animals in the jungle have eaten most of your friends, and shit absolutely everywhere.

Life sucks. Then all of a sudden Madonna flies in from the clouds and wisks you back to the UK with her!

"She's gonna keep her baby, oh, ooooooh!"

You now spend your days studying Kabalah, being read her stupid children's books by her servants,  and getting beaten up by her other kids.

I say this just to bring up a point. In all the fury to end hunger, have we really thought about the alternative? Isn't getting chewed by a Hippopotamus a much better existance then listening to Madonna sing all day?

And once we save all the hungry people in Africa, who's gonna' save all the children who are now being driven insane by the celebrities that have adopted them.

We all know that any celebrity child, despite where they were born (i.e. Nicole Ritchie) will grow up to be a spoiled drug addict, so why not just leave them alone?

I'd rather die from a snake bite then by heroin like Ms Ritchie is going to, wouldn't you?

And don't give me no jive about the AIDS epidemic over there. Nichole Ritchie IS the AIDS epidemic.


So my kid is so ready to be born. There's absolutely no room in there whatsoever.

One really cool thing Libby is doing is have two lesbians be there when he's born.

You think I'm kidding but I'm not. And I think that's awesome! I wasn't sure why they were gonna' be there, I mean, I was suprised when she wanted me in the delivery room, much less everyone she grew up with.

But then I asked myself "why would she want two lesbians at my son's birth?"

Then it hit me. Maybe she's gonna' have them like making out or something so when he comes out he'll be like "YES!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!! LIFE IS THE BEST!!!"

See like most babies are all pissed off because some middle-age doctor picks them up and spanks them.

But when two lesbians like picks you up and I don't know...maybe uses a little baby paddle on you, it could make the whole introduction to life outside the womb a lot more enjoyable.

Libby is so smart. She's the best mom EVER!


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