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(Another) Letter I wrote to Walmart

I sure do love writing letters to Walmart.

Here's another


Dear Walmart

I have a question. Why must you always stick, not just old, but REALLY, REALLY old people as door greeters? What have they ever done to you?

I mean a senior citizen comes to you for employment because they're having problems paying their prescription costs or whatever, and you prop them up for 8 hours in front of the enterance, forcing them to put smiley face stickers (ironically) on every damn person that steps foot in your store?

What kind of sick, twisted humor is this!

I've seen some of your "senior slaves" reaching as old as 102.

One door greeter I had the misfortune of being greeted by was in a wheelchair, and hooked to an oxygen tank. She attempted to put a smiley face sticker on me but was just too weak.

Upon seeing that she was incapable of doing her duty, two Wal-goons came out from back, and quickly rolled her away to God knows where.

She was replaced by an even older fellow who had the fear of God plastered on his face, handing out stickers like a madman.

I'll give you another example. This past Monday, Veteran's Day nonetheless, I went up to an older gentleman greeting folks at the door and made small talk with him. I asked if he was a veteran and he said "yes, I am." He then asked me if I was ever in the military and told him I was. After I said this, his eyes started to blink sporadically. It was then that I realized that he was actually speaking to me in morse code. He was saying "SOS WALMART TORTURE SPANKINGS RED-BUTTOCKS CALL POLICE SOS".

Within seconds, two other Wal-goons (this was a different store) immediately escorted the man to the back room. His eyes still blinking in frenzy.

The worst part about this incident is that his replacement was a fake! It was some young kid in an old man's mask! What gives????

I was also wondering if your down comforters are on sale?

Respectfuly, Alvin Miller.

Their reply

Greetings, Mr Miller

Thank you for taking the time to write us here at Walmart, and a happy belated Veteran's Day to you.

You expressed concerns over the treatment of some of our advanced in age associates.

I would like to assure you that nobody values the contribution, or takes better care of their elderly staff as much as we do here at Walmart.

The position of having an associate greet our friends as they come in the door seems custom made for a some of our older staff, whom are often chosen for the task due to their natural warmth, and jolly demeanor.

I personally have heard the position described by elderly associates as "fun" and "rewarding."

Again, we truly appreciate you taking the time to let us know how we're doing. If you have any other questions, feel free to contact me anytime you'd like.

-Best Regards,

-Patrick Blair

-Consumer Relations


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