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The No Nipple Zone

Bill O'Reilly is out of his flipping mind.

I'll admit, I've been a big fan of his. I love...LOVE his interview style.

Basically he doesn't let anyone speak. It's hysterical.

At the end of EVERY interview he does, after speaking over his guest the entire time, he offers them the "last word."

The person gets maybe three words out before Bill takes contol again, and finished the segment.

Fucking brilliant.

When the segment's over, and he's thanking his guest for coming on, they usually have this puzzled look on their face wondering what the fuck just happened.

It's the "No Spin Zone" baby. No spin because he doesn't give you the chance to. If you can't talk, you can't spin. I admire that. People shouldn't be trusted.

One of Mr O'Reily's favorite passtimes is calling for boycotts.

I don't know when he first started doing this, but the first time I saw him do this was when Pepsi was gonna' make a commercial with Hip Hop sensation, Ludacris.

The nerve. Well, O'Reilly made his case on how Ludacris is polluting the minds of poor black kids, and.....I watch 7 hours of Fox News a day by the way....polluting the minds of poor black kids, and called for his legion of views to boycott Pepsi products.

Pepsi responded by stating "Ludacris? Who's that? Never met the guy. Please call off your boycott. Fox News is #1! Love, Pepsi."

If you're like me, you're probably wondering what kinda' music is pollutant-free for our poor black friends, and their susceptible minds we're so worried about.

Thankfully on his website, Bill lists some suggestions.

How did I know Hall & Oats would be on that list?

Anyways, Bill caused Pepsi to cancel all upcoming commercials involving Ludacris. Around this time it became clear to Bill that he was the most powerful force in the universe.

And it was time for bigger fish to fry. Mr O'Reilly turned a vengeful eye on the nation of France.

We all know about the whole France vs The U.S. thing that went on in the UN.

We felt the need for military force, France did not. (This incidently led to the creation of "Freedom Fries." You know, the fries that make you free?)

When France stood in the way of the US getting UN approval, we just went ahead with the whole thing anyways. No big deal.

Well not to 'Boycott Bill.' Bill instantly called for a boycott on all French imports, and services.

Did you know Hotel 6 was owned by the French? I do. Now that Bill told me. From now on I'll be taking my hookers elsewhere.

I'm not really sure what Mr O'Reilly's terms are to end this boycott. Maybe have Jaucque Chirac admit his countrymen are assholes, I really don't know.

Well, over the past few weeks he's been assuring us that his boycott is bringing those dirty French to their knees. According to Bill, the French people are absolutely devistated by "our" responce.

Truly this man has established himself as the greatest ego since Julius Ceaser.

But it get's better. This time he's chosen to cripple the Canadian economy if they don't play ball.

The O'Reilly Factor has reported that "The Canadian Government" (wasn't really specific on who exactly) said that if they caught Saddam Hussein that they would not turn him over to the U.S.

Now, if you looked at this like I do, it seems kinda' logical that Canada isn't gonna' capture Saddam.

They don't have troops in Iraq to begin with, and I think the chances of Saddam being alive, and fleeing to Canada of all places is not too likely.

But Ragin' Bill doesn't care about technicalities. Those lousy Canadians need to be taught a lesson.

That's why he spent a lot of time explaining how many billions of dollars the US spends up north, and that if he did call for a boycott, it wouldn't leave Canada in a recession, but a depression.

Canada of course is scared shitless.

Well, that's Bill for ya. Growing more powerful in his own mind everday.

I was I could do as much as boycott his show, but it's impossible.

Mark my words. He's gonna' start demanding people worship him. One of his conditions to end a boycotts is for the leader of the boycotted country to appear live on his show and kiss his hand.

And you better believe I'll be watching when that happens.


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